10 Frankenplants I’d Like to See

Science is smart enough that we now have spinach that can sniff out explosives, corn plants that kill attacking earworms, and tobacco plants that glow in the dark thanks to inserted genes from glowing marine bacteria.

I kid you not.

But I also wonder that if those things are possible, what else might genetic engineers have up their sleeves?

Can they insert genes from anything into anything else?

Is nothing impossible?

And more importantly, are bioengineers taking requests?

If so, here are 10 Frankenplants I’d be curious to see…

1.) Some sort of creeping plant with bloodhound genes that can be trained to sniff out and destroy weeds at night, then crawl back into its assigned space in the morning.

2.) Roses with chameleon genes. When a rose senses Japanese beetles are on the way, it morphs into a cactus. Then when the coast is clear, it changes back to a rose.

3.) Trees engineered with pause buttons. That way when they reach the ideal height, we hit the button and keep them there as long as we like.

4.) Self-watering flowers programmed with dehumidifier technology. The leaves would be able to precipitate moisture from the air and continuously funnel it down to the roots.

5.) Grass that cuts itself might be tough to pull off, but how about a type engineered with yo-yo technology that winds itself back down when it gets too long?

6.) Broccoli with Venus fly-trap genes so that when a cabbageworm moth flies by, a mouth pops out and snatches the pest out of mid-air.

7.) Tulips with skunk genes. When Mr. Rabbit stops by for a munch, plants lift their leaves and spray a stream of stink.

8.) Hydrangeas with temperature-activated fat genes. When nighttime temperatures go below, say, 20 degrees, the genetic code triggers the plant to expand insulating fat cells that keep the flower buds from freezing.

9.) Carrots with Sunbeam toaster genes. When the carrots are ready, they pop out of the ground.

10.) And my favorite? Arborvitae grown with Three Stooges DNA. When a deer decides to take a bite of the foliage, two green branches snap out to poke the four-legged eating machine in the eyes… preferably while going, “Woo-woo-woo!”