The 8 Things That Annoy Gardeners Most

November 28th, 2017

   Gardeners are generally pretty easy-going, kinder-than-average people. But we’re also not immune to whining about life’s little “challenges” that can make this outdoor passion less than jubilant.

I was not aware that grass can grow shoulder-high until the neighbors walked away from their house.

   From what I’ve seen and experienced in more than 35 years of gardening, here’s what I’d rank as the eight top things that annoy gardeners.

   Feel free to add your own in the comments section below. Sometimes venting is helpful…

   1.) Black flies. If you don’t live near a creek, you probably have no idea what I’m talking about. If you do, you’ll understand why so-called “gnats” are Gnumber One on my annoyance list.

   These little black flying pests swarm so badly when it’s calm and humid (and after the state has burned through its spraying budget) that you want to run back inside. They swarm in your face, they fly into your eyes and ears, and they bite.

   My little granddaughter was such a black-fly target when she visited this summer that she had dozens of welts within 5 minutes. It absolutely destroyed any hope of sharing the love of plants and gardening with her.

Mr. Groundhog looking for trouble.

   2.) Animals. Groundhogs, rabbits, chipmunks, and voles are bad enough. Heaven help you if you live in deer country.

   Animals have nothing better to do all day than hunt for food. They think you set out those tasty azaleas and luscious coneflowers just for them.

   Few things are more deflating than to work diligently growing a cabbage patch or bed of $3-a-pop petunias, only to find the whole thing mercilessly mowed down the next morning.

   Things like lousy soil, dry weather, and plant disease threats can be overcome fairly easily. But stopping animal marauders is a lifelong battle. Never think you’ve won it.

   Read George’s article on How to Keep Animals from Eating Your Plants

   3.) Dog poop. The most disgusting thing that’s happened to me in a garden was the time I was weed-whacking my groundcover bed of ‘Biokovo’ hardy geraniums out front at the end of winter.

   The whirring string blew brown flak everywhere – including back on me. Yes, dog poop.

   I honestly don’t understand why dog-owners think it’s OK to let their dogs poop in someone else’s yard. And even if they do, why wouldn’t they clean it up?

   I’m more vigilant these days and have seen more poop in the front beds, not to mention dead spots on the boxwoods from dog pee. So this wasn’t a one-time anomaly.

   4.) Weeds. These just won’t quit. Let even a speck of soil uncovered, and a weed will pop up. Fall behind policing them, and the problem quickly multiplies. Let them go to seed, and you’re really doomed.

   I understand that weeds are nature’s way of “healing” bare, erosion-threatened soil. Removing them is part of gardening. That doesn’t mean we have to like it… although some do.

   5.) Weather forecasts. Maybe it’s Murphy’s Law at work, but the weather forecasts usually seem to be off in the wrong direction whenever I plan around them.

   See George’s list of “10 Murphy’s Laws That Apply to Gardening.”

   Why does it always pour down raining when I order 8 yards of mulch on a day that was supposed to be sunny? And why do the nicest days happen on rain-forecast days that I blocked out to write all day inside?

   This has happened so often that I don’t even pay attention to the forecasts anymore.

   Something else I quickly learned… don’t skip watering new plantings because the forecast says rain is a can’t-miss. Assume that’s not going to happen, and water based on the rain you get (or don’t) – not the rain you’re forecast to get.

When gouges happen at the top of tomatoes, birds are a likely culprit.

   6.) Bugs and birds. We all run into bugs that try to eat our plants. Like weeds, they’re part of the equation, but not a particularly fun one.

   The more underrated annoyance is birds. At least these have a lot of redeeming traits, such as eating the aforementioned bugs, keeping rodents under control, and adding beauty and song to the landscape.

   On the other hand, why can’t they stick to caterpillars instead of pecking holes in every last tomato?

   And if you’ve ever tried to grow blueberries without bird netting, good luck. I tried that one year and got zero ripe berries from seven bushes. 

   7.) Plant labels that blow away. If you don’t care about the names of your plants, this one’s a non-issue. But if you’re trying to keep track of which plant is which – or in my case, differing trial cultivars – it’s difficult to keep labels in place and intact.

My homemade vinyl-blind plant labels.

   The little plastic ones that come with plants either blow away or get pushed up in winter by freezing and thawing. If they make it through two or three years, they get brittle and crack apart.

   I’ve tried wooden ones (they decayed), metal ones (expensive), and a new bar-code-based, smart-phone system called Muddy Boots Plant Tags (clever but even more expensive), but what I’ve settled on lately is ones made out of recycled vinyl window blinds. I cut them to about 6 inches and trim a point on one end, then use a black wax marker to write the names.

   They’re not completely blow-away proof, but at least they go in the ground deeper, are more durable, and they’re free.

   8.) Plant-oblivious neighbors. Did you know turfgrass can grow shoulder-high if you don’t cut it all year? I had no idea until a neighbor couple separated, walked away from the house next door, and let behind an uncared-for yard for more than two years.

   We got ticks and weeds (from blowing seed) like we never did in 30 years. Ultimately, I put up a fence.

   In my Garden House-Calls travels, I often run into complaints about non-gardening neighbors. Besides blowing weed seeds, the issues include invading bamboo, invading Zoysia grass, neighbor tree roots killing off the grass, tree limbs overhanging property lines, and neighbor pets using gardens as a bathroom. (I guess I’m not the only victim.)

   Your turn…